Posted by: webbhouston | January 7, 2009

One down, one to go (or, “It takes a village to raise a mother”)

So two of my friends were pregnant this month.  Devin gave birth to her little one (now named Oliver) last week. He is doing great and he is amazingly beautiful.

oliver

oliver

I went to see her a couple days ago and brought her nourishment and company for a while. Here I am holding him, it was like second nature to me… I didnt feel odd or like I was going to break him. He felt like he was mine. It was odd.  Maybe because I have known him since before we even was on the radar or because I just had mine so recently… I dont know but I held him for a good while and it felt nice.

The other one, Janis, is still nowhere in sight. She was due before Devin which makes her 43 weeks… and is still going strong. As strong as you can go while a million years pregnant.  She has had two henna sessions done, a belly cast, a massage, and done everything in her power except take castor oil (which is FOUL so I dont blame her) to get this started. Nothing has worked. So we are all sending her labor vibes and hoping that she pops soon.

During the course of the time spent pregnant by all of us we have realized the importance of having friends there who are as crazy as you are for support.

Each one of us has had our own special things we needed help in that the other has provided comfort for. To begin with all three of us were overdue with our kiddos. At least a week, if not more… in modern obstetrics practices 40 weeks is not as “Estimated” due date… as it should be. But a due date. An expiration date. An eviction date. A “Get out one way or another” date. In reality it should not be this way.  Ultrasounds are notoriously bad at juding due dates and baby size and really all babies and all mothers are different. I think I just need a longer time to cook my kiddos and thats fine. Gives me more time to prepare. For each of us it has been important to have someone there that doesnt think you are either

a) Crazy for not wanting to be un-pregnant no matter the costs

b) Putting your life in danger and your child’s life in danger for not evicting the tiny tennant as soon as their time is up

c) Wrong for being mad and annoyed by everyone calling you every few minutes asking if you have given birth yet

d) not insane for changing your voicemail to “still pregnant”.

I could go on but you know what I mean.

All of us are pretty independant and smart women… we know that we have researched all of our options and we are fully aware of our choices. We trust ourselves and our bodies. Yet with pressure around us from friends, family, etc. it is not hard to second guess yourself. We all do, especially when you are looked upon as a freak by most of the world around us.  We all need a support system in our lives. Parenting is so private yet so public.  Our choices are only our own yet so many people have so many opinions about what we do or dont do to our kids.

If we vaccinate, why do we, or dont we? Arent you putting your child and your neighborhood in danger?

If we babywear, why? how? where did you get this crazy idea?

If we breastfeed? How long? Long enough? Too long? Why in public?

Everyone has their own beliefs on what is best for kids and it is so personal that it is easy to take it personally when someone doesnt agree with you. This is where a good support system comes in place.  Friends dont have to agree 100% on why you do something but they have to respect that you do and be able to set their feelings aside and try to help you work through things.

If I am sitting at home and i get a text message or a phone call that starts off with “Got a few minutes?”… I know that I am needed.  I make time to listen, to give my thoughts, to work through the problem, and at the end I make time to just be there as a sounding board for them.  They do the same for me.  The serious self doubts that I have had in the past couple of years I have been able to work through with the help of either my husband or my friends.  For that I am thankful.

It is so easy to become isolated as a mother. We are so busy with our kids and with our lives that we forget to take care of ourselves. We need mirrors around us to remind us of things like this and to remind us why we are on the path that we chose if we are ever to forget it.  Thanks to women like these I have been given new perspective on my own life and my own choices, and I am sure I have influeced theirs.

blessingway

blessingway

Nobody said motherhood was easy but it doesnt have to be lonely. Not with friends like this.

Advertisements

Responses

  1. Yay for this post! I can complain about these things, but you put it out there so that others can possibly understand where we’re coming from. I love that pic of us and little Ollie. I also love the pic from your blessingway. We’re both preggo in that picture!


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: